The Hardest Moment I've Ever Faced As A Mom

I keep looking at the clock. The hours and minutes keep ticking by and I am powerless to stop them. Each tick of the hands brings us closer to the moment when we have to let our son go. We knew this moment would come but it is SO much harder than I thought it would be. Just thinking of it makes me start weeping all over again. He enlisted in the Army last year while still a Senior in high school so it's not like it was a sudden surprise. I have known. But now the actual day has arrived and I am not okay. I am SO incredibly proud of him, but I am going to miss him SO  much!!

I keep looking at his baby photos, his toddler years, elementary school, thinking of the high school moments, the crazy things we had to deal with for the last several months.... and I can't believe it has been all crammed into 18 years. 

It's what he's wanted since he was little. He never waived in his desire and commitment to join the military and has steadily worked towards his goal. He had studied and read books. He attended our local Sheriff's Youth Leadership Academy twice and completed two years of JROTC, excelling in all of them. He was a Captain and Company Commander in JROTC, made the Rifle Team as well as being in the Color Guard. Being Captain/Company Commander usually put him in charge and he took his responsibility serious. He put in more volunteer hours than was required for a special recognition on his diploma, was accepted into the National Honor Society as well as the National Technical Honor Society.  All while maintaining mostly A's during his Senior year.  We were proud of him for those achievements in and of themselves. We all got a pleasant surprise in learning that his work paid off in enlisting as well. It meant going in at an elevated rank and pay grade. At graduation from the JROTC program he, along with just 4 other cadets were surprised to be presented with a special award - The Hunley Award, making that evening a little more special.

Enlistment Recognition

And it's all led to this moment. After 18 years, I have to let him go. Just like that. I thought I was ready. Now I'm not so sure. I've always tried to be strong for him so he would know to stand tall and be strong and keep going forward. I was the one mom excited and not crying when he started Kindergarten because I found it so exciting that he was going to get to learn. I keep reminding myself this is similar. He will be "adventure learning" and it's what he's worked towards. But I still can't stop the tears. I am trying to keep it together, but I am definitely not doing a good job this time! 

I Never Got To Meet Her, But I Still Miss Her

It's not something I dwell on. A lot of people outside our family members, don't even know. It isn't in the front of my mind everyday, but the thought does pop up at surprising times and it has the power to stop me in my tracks. I had a miscarriage. I lost my first baby. I miscarried early in my pregnancy so for a long time I didn't equate our loss with those who have lost their babies further into their pregnancies. I mean I didn't get to feel any movement or kicks. I didn't get to see my belly grow. But I have come to know that loss is loss. I have also come to know that I am not alone.

See How I'm Doing On My Weight Loss Journey

#JourneyToBetter

Another month has past, the second since I started this journet of mine. It began when I did a one month review of Personal Trainer Food. They sent me one month of their foods and I followed one of their meal plans for that month. I felt so incredible at the end of that first month, that I made the decision to try to continue the plan on my own.

My Journey To Better With #PersonalTrainerFood - Week 4

#PersonalTrainerFood

This was my fourth and final week with Personal Trainer Food. I can't believe 28 days has passed so quickly!

I feel so differently than just four weeks ago. When I started, I was nervous that I could follow the program and succeed. Now I'm nervous, but also excited. Nervous to retain the knowledge I have learned and so excited to continue getting fit.

Positive Mind - Day 16 of the #WordADayChallenge

Today's word(s) are Positive Mind.

I am a pretty positive person. I almost always try to see the bright side of any dark situation. I'm usually in a good mood, even if I'm not laughing or joking around, I usually just FEEL good overall. I don't know any other way to be. I have always been a positive, upbeat person. 

Open-MInded - Day 15 of the #WordADayChallenge

Today's word is Open-Minded.

In all my own stubborness, I try to be open-minded. I mean there's always great ideas out there and we can always learn a new way to do things. 

My Journey To Better With #PersonalTrainerFood - Week 3

#PersonalTrainerFood

I can't beleive this is the start of week three! I truly wish I could convey with mere words how GOOD I feel. And it is so easy!

I haven't really told you much about the program I am participating in. The one I am participating in is called REV and it is a 28 day program, one of a couple different ones offered by Personal Trainer Food.

Nurture - Day 14 of the #WordADayChallenge

Today's word is Nurture.

I sometimes get caught up in trying to nurture so many things at once I end up going in circles. I am trying to slow down and nurture a few things or even just one thing at a time so I can see positive results. I am always thinking of the important things that stay on my list of things that need and deserve nurturing: Our son, my husband, our marriage. Those are hardcore absolutes for me. They will always be at the top of the list.

Miracle - Day 13 of the #WordADayChallenge

Today's word is Miracle.

When I think of this word, a few things come to mind. My husband and my son.

Laughing - Day 12 of the #WordADayChallenge

Today's word is Laughing.

Is laughter an emotion?!?! It should be! I love laughing. Hearing people laugh for good reasons is the sweetest sound. 

Knowledge - Day 11 of the #WordADayChallenge

Today's word is knowledge.

We always hear the phrase "Knowledge is power", but I wonder if people really stop to think about what that means. Knowledge is learning, but it is also understanding what is learned. Without understanding, the knowledge loses it's purpose. 

Justice - Day 10 of the #WordADayChallenge

Today's word is Justice.

Try as I might I often feel as if I don't do things well enough. I'm not really great at anything. I just do stuff. I enjoy the things I do, but I hardly do anything well enough to do it justice.

Inspiration - Day 9 of the #WordADayChallenge

Today's word is Inspiration.

I find inspiration all around me. In the positive people around me, in music, in nature. Sometimes something inspires me to grab my camera and start taking photographs.

Hope - Day 8 of the #WordADayChallenge

#WordADayChallenge

Today's word is Hope.

This is one of my favorite words. It is full of so much promise and optimism. Without hope, there really isn't a lot to look forward to. 

Generosity - Day 7 of the #WordADayChallenge

Today's word is Generosity.


Most of us have benefitted from the generosity of others, even if we failed to recognize it or even ackowledge it. 

Week 2 Of My Journey to Better With #PersonalTrainerFood

 

#PersonalTrainerFood

  I have been thinking about how and why I forgot how to eat healthy. I felt like I had been held hostage by food. Food is expensive and with money tight, it feels like you have to sacrifice. And when life is busy and schedules can get crazy, we fall into the fast food trap and it seems easier to just grab a meal in a sack.

Family - Day 6 - #WordADayChallenge

Today's word is Family

One of the first things that pops into my head when I think of this word is how much I treasure it. The second thing is how utterly complicated it can be. 

Empathy - Day 5 #WordADayChallenge

Today's word is Empathy.

The defiition of empathy is: The feeling that you understand and share another person's experiences and emotions : the ability to share someone else's feelings

Determination - Day 4 - #WordADayChallenge

Today's word is Determination

I find it almost comical that a word that hold so much promise, begins with the word deter because a determined person is not usually detered! 

Compassion - Day 3 #WordADayChallenge

Today's word is Compassion

This is something I strive to find more of in myself. I sometimes struggle with compassion when it bumps into reality.