One Christmas when I was little, probably around 6 years old, I received a set of handmade Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls. My Dad's mother had made them for me. She lived in Washington state and we lived in Wyoming. I loved them! Andy even has his "I Love You" heart sewn on his chest. I apparently REALLY love my Raggedy Ann. She is more faded than Andy. I carried her around with me and played with her all the time. I lost her white apron at some point.
These are a bittersweet rememberance for me. Since we didn't live really close to my grandparents and didn't get to see them often. When we did visit or see them, even at a young age I knew something was "off" but was too young to really put a name to it. I didn't know that she held some sort of resentment or even a hatred of my sister and I. She seemed to hate my mom as well. As I grew older, I began to see it more. At one point we even lived in Washington, but we were older by then and were more aware of her feelings towards us. My aunt and uncle have seven kids that were born and raised near Grandma and 5 of them were girls, but I'm not sure they received the same treatment. I just know she was very... unfriendly towards us. Like we inconvenienced her somehow. I think because of circumstances of her own life, she just projected her own self hatred onto us. I just don't think she understood it. It was a totally different time. I think God may have known what he was doing when she had five boys and no girls. Maybe if things had been different for her...... I have forgiven her the treatment she showed us and try to view her in a slightly softer light.
I try to think that for a moment, when she made these dolls for me, there was a spark of love in there, even if it was hard for her to show it to me in person. And I still treasure my Raggedy Ann and Andy because she made them and they are the only thing I have from her that I received while she was living.