The Hardest Moment I've Ever Faced As A Mom

I keep looking at the clock. The hours and minutes keep ticking by and I am powerless to stop them. Each tick of the hands brings us closer to the moment when we have to let our son go. We knew this moment would come but it is SO much harder than I thought it would be. Just thinking of it makes me start weeping all over again. He enlisted in the Army last year while still a Senior in high school so it's not like it was a sudden surprise. I have known. But now the actual day has arrived and I am not okay. I am SO incredibly proud of him, but I am going to miss him SO  much!!

I keep looking at his baby photos, his toddler years, elementary school, thinking of the high school moments, the crazy things we had to deal with for the last several months.... and I can't believe it has been all crammed into 18 years. 

It's what he's wanted since he was little. He never waived in his desire and commitment to join the military and has steadily worked towards his goal. He had studied and read books. He attended our local Sheriff's Youth Leadership Academy twice and completed two years of JROTC, excelling in all of them. He was a Captain and Company Commander in JROTC, made the Rifle Team as well as being in the Color Guard. Being Captain/Company Commander usually put him in charge and he took his responsibility serious. He put in more volunteer hours than was required for a special recognition on his diploma, was accepted into the National Honor Society as well as the National Technical Honor Society.  All while maintaining mostly A's during his Senior year.  We were proud of him for those achievements in and of themselves. We all got a pleasant surprise in learning that his work paid off in enlisting as well. It meant going in at an elevated rank and pay grade. At graduation from the JROTC program he, along with just 4 other cadets were surprised to be presented with a special award - The Hunley Award, making that evening a little more special.

Enlistment Recognition

And it's all led to this moment. After 18 years, I have to let him go. Just like that. I thought I was ready. Now I'm not so sure. I've always tried to be strong for him so he would know to stand tall and be strong and keep going forward. I was the one mom excited and not crying when he started Kindergarten because I found it so exciting that he was going to get to learn. I keep reminding myself this is similar. He will be "adventure learning" and it's what he's worked towards. But I still can't stop the tears. I am trying to keep it together, but I am definitely not doing a good job this time!